Can anyone see me?: part 1

Date: 30-08-2026

A passing thought from the mind of an eighty-year old homeless man on the streets of Toronto:

My beard grows ever longer and greyer

The night grows ever colder and longer

The void grows ever darker and closer

I want to feel numb

As I sit here, under the starry night

invisible and forgotten

fighting and existing

moment to moment

I want to feel numb

The warmth of a human touch feels like a distant memory now

yet it is what I desire the most….

to be seen

to be told I am seen

to be loved

to be told I am loved

to be tucked into bed and kissed on the forehead

I want to feel numb

I am no longer bothered by the sounds and smells , by the fatigue in my bones, by the heat of these clothes, by the pinching of these shoes, by the pain in my back, by the feet rushing past me, by the memories of old promises, by the masked tricks of this life, by the emptiness of everything…

I want to feel numb

The other end of this stream of consciousness is a bottomless fall into nothingness

I want to feel numb

Yet

my inextinguishable human need

breaks through into my consciousness

bringing forth with it

all of my humanity

I am too tired to carry this burden

I want to feel numb

Can anyone see me?